yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
