"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
