Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
