I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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