I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
