Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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