party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize