cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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