I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize