The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
