i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
