Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
