so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
