And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
