you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
