During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
