yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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