Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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