nutella sex= disaster
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
