theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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