tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
