I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
