You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
