Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
