What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
