Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
