Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Couch. On fire.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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