Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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