when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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