How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize