Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
