you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
