so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
