are you still at the devil's house?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My pussy is not your playground.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
