If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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