thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
