You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
