Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
