Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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