no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hippo gnu deer
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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