The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
