Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
