Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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