I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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