i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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