Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
