Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
