Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
