I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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