i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
