I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can I color on your dick again?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
