I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
