dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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