You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
