I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
