Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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