So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
