Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
whose parrot is this?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize