He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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