well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
