I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
