You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
