worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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