So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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