Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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