There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
