I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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