She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
