I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think i got beer on your cat.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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