Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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